Seniority. It's an important word. We use it when we are above someone or when someone is above us. What does seniority mean? Dictionary.com says: "Seniority [seen-yawr-i-tee, -yor-], priority, precedence, or status obtained as the result of a person's length of service, as in a profession, trade, company, or union." So I'm young, life is full of surprises, there are many things I haven't experienced, there are many things I don't know. The elderly ARE seniors. They HAVE seniority. Cool cool. What disgusts me is that middle aged person who, for some inexplicable reason, wants you to know "that you for sure aren't the first person to know that fact, and oh my, you have a lot waiting in store, and whoa! You don't know what love is, and sorry kid, life just gets worse....." We've all run into that before. It's nasty and petty, but...... What really makes me nauseous, causes my face to flush, and my blood boil is the teen or the 20-30 something-year-old who has "seen that before", "tried that two days ago", "knows from experience......", and "but it probably won't be as bad for you". I don't like when people envy my naïveté, interrupt constantly to show you that they are familiar with the subject matter of which you are speaking, point out repeatedly that they endured "the worst", or incessantly attribute their problems to their age. Actually, it is okay for young lovers to enjoy their bliss. We don't expect to experience "the deep, filling, companionate, consummate love" that the aged experience because we haven't got there yet. We absolutely satisfied with what we have! And it isn't very thoughtful, in my opinion, to harass newly wed couples that "the trials of life are hovering above, and ARE waiting to DESCEND". I guess it is understandable to wish that no one ends up better off than us, but it seems such an unhappy way to live. Seniority is beautiful when it adds to and enhances society, but to look down your long nose at the greenhorn, new CNA (smiles), fresh waitress, or fellow class-mate is certainly a poor position to take. If you believe in excessive use of seniority, take heart. You will never be bothered by people coming to you for friendship, advice or comfort. Unless, it is one of your own kind, and even then, you will have to prove that your seniority is senior to theirs.

I don't know what it is about my past since 2006, but it seems like every small insignificant thing that has happened to me since then brings a flood of memories that not only make me feel emotional, but very lonely as well. For instance why does the thought of standing around a campfire at a friends house with only a sweater that is too thin, bright lights shining from the porch (not reaching the campfire, but creating a harsh glare if you looked that way), cold pork and beans, potato salad, red Amherst dirt, wind, freezing fingers (this especially stands out in my memory), my heart beating fast because my sweetheart was there, smashed cake for the pastor, and rough wood and concrete make me feel like going to bed and feeling so lonely I could die? 

I feel like if I could only go back, things would be different. I wish that I didn't care. But then if I didn't care I know that I would wish that I did care. 2006 was a frustrated time for me. I want to go back, just to feel those feelings and experience those experiences again. I hated my life then, so why does it pull so hard now? It seems like all the friends I had then are gone now….. Change, it creeps up on us constantly like someone stalking us. We accept it, we move on, life goes on. What am I fighting for? @iluv_pink_92 Does this make any sense to you??